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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip, like “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” — weird, wild, and fulla ghosts from the past! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout them hookers, and I’m pissed! Why? ‘Cause half these idiots online don’t know shit bout it! They’re all, “Oh, it’s illegal, blah blah,” but I say screw that noise! I’m Cartman, I do what I want!

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I even found a tucked-away speakeasy on quik lane Uhland (oops, sorry—uh, "Uhland" with a little twist there!). They serve martinis with a twist, and the bartender always quotes lines like, “We are all broken, but that’s what makes us beautiful.” Found that one during a wild Monday night grind.

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