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Sometimes I wonder—am I chasin’ the feelin’ or the memory? Gets me all philosophical, ya know? Sexual-massage ain’t just dirty fun—it’s a freakin’ time machine! Takes ya back to when ya felt alive. Oh, and pro tip: don’t trust those shady parlors—sketchy vibes, sticky floors. Stick to the legit ones, or you’re screwed—figuratively, ha! Great Scott, what a ride!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. “We need to talk about your performance.” Ugh, seriously? I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy a dog fail in peace?” But no, I have to go back to the office. I’m walking back, and I’m fuming. Why do they always pick the worst times to chat about “performance”?

Hotel aims for community-led reopening with £520K funding