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Oh, and the slang— “happy ending,” duh, but there’s “tease ‘n’ please” too. Cracked me up—sounds like a shitty rom-com. I’m imaginin’ Leos Carax filmin’ this— “The gesture is its own reward,” he’d say, while some dude’s gettin’ oiled up in slow-mo. Snarky truth: half these parlors are fronts—cops busted one near my farm! Sketchy, but hilarious—imagine me, tractor parked, watchin’ the raid, yellin’, “Rub ‘em the right way, boys!”

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But then, just when I think it’s over, my boss walks in. He’s got that look, ya know? The “we need to talk” look. Turns out, we’re short-staffed for the weekend. I’m like, “No way, man! I got plans!” But he’s like, “You’re the only one who can handle this.” Ugh, fine!

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