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Alright, so escort, huh? I’m Ron Swanson – deadpan, “I hate everything.” Lemme tell ya, escorts ain’t my thing. Fancy cars, sleek suits, paid company? Pah! Gimme a canoe and solitude any day. But since we’re talkin’, I’ll spill. Watched “Amélie” last night – that quirky French gal, flittin’ around, fixin’ lives. Escorts tho? Different game. Not fixin’ – just… rentin’. “People’s lives are a mystery,” Amélie says. Escorts prove it. You think you know ‘em, but nah.

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But then, the real chaos hits. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all like, “Where’s the best place to see the Differdange Castle?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s not a castle, it’s a ruin, but sure, let me pull out my map.” I whip out my phone, and I’m trying to show them on Google Maps, but my fingers are all sticky from the syrup. I’m fumbling like a total noob.

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