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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

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Oh, and the downtown spot? The block of Artisan Row. Street art, vibrant night markets, couples laughing, secrets shared. Walk past the funky graffiti “YOLO” on Brick Alley (yup, that actual wall!), and picture it: the little rendezvous in coffee shops where whispers slice the silence. It’s like every corner tells a dirty love story, if ya catch my drift.

British track coach banned for life for sexual misconduct