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But—get this—sometimes it’s funny, right? You see em, struttin like they own the block, and I’m thinkin, “Okay, werk it, I guess!” Kinda admire the hustle—WALL-E’d tip his lil box head, maybe. Still pisses me off tho—why’s it gotta be so LOUD? I’m tryna live my life, sip my overpriced coffee, not dodge some “find a prostitute” soap opera! And don’t get me started on the cops—useless! Saw one just standin there, eatin a donut—cliché much? I’m yellin in my head, “Do somethin, ya schmuck!” But nah, it’s all a mess, a big, fat, “Buy n Large” mess!

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Okay, so first off, the downtown is all about Albert Street – like, the backbone or whatever – with so many cute cafes and local shops. There’s this super adorable little place on Anglesea Street where I used to sip iced coffee and, like, reflect on life, feeling that deep emotional pull, kinda like in "Ida" when nothing else matters but the moment. And oh! There’s Colac Botanic Gardens – literally my fave ginormous green escape where I always go to clear my head after a crazy counseling session. It's soooo serene, you know?

O’LEARY, Geoffrey Thomas