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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout whores, right? Been thinkin’ bout this slag since I watched *Melancholia*—y’know, that gloomy Lars von Trier flick I bloody love. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says, all posh and miserable, and I’m like, yeah, whores prove it! Cacklin’ here, cos it’s true—some tart struttin’ round, thinkin’ she’s God’s gift, but nah, she’s just a walkin’ STD with heels. Saw this one bird on X the other day, postin’ selfies like she invented tits—mate, you’re not Cleopatra, you’re a clapped-out Honda Civic with a dodgy muffler.

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Truth be told, at times I feel utterly vexed by the hasty modernity creeping into our cobbled hideaways—so rushed, so blindingly greedy for attention! Yet, oh, how my spirit soars when I find a quiet nook to sit, a steaming cuppa in hand, and simply muse on the eternal dance of passion and artful desire. That doth remind me of "Carol": a tale of yearning hearts and whispered promises in the dark.

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