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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Now oh man, Paradise Park is another piece of heaven here. Its winding trails and secret corners give you moments of peace (or sometimes a mini existential crisis, LOL). I once met this elderly lady there who told me about all the local legends. She said, "Life is just a box of chocolates, one million dollars!" Not sure what that means exactly, but it warmed my heart little by little.

Alleged ‘ringleader’ among 100 arrested over Springvale heroin supply