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About Newcastle

Started off in Soho, dodgy alleys, stinks of piss. Bloke told me, “Mate, try the backstreets, quieter there.” Quieter? Bollocks! Some bird’s yelling at a punter, “Pay up, you cheap twat!” Made me chuckle—proper chaos, like *Yi Yi*’s family rows. “Everyone’s got their secrets,” film says. Yeah, prossies too—did ya know some’ve been at it since Victorian times? Same game, different frocks. Mental, that.

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Me, I get a kick outta every crack in this town. Sometimes, I get so tangled in thoughts ‘bout life, massaging my own worries away—uh, yada yada, right? I mean, I’m here since forever, ya know, with my spiky hair and a laugh that could crack a coconut! Every day here is a mixed bag. One minute you're quiet as a whisper, next you're hollerin’ “D’oh!” at a weird twist of fate.

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