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Oi mate, picture this - me, a proper Bestiary gladiator, yeah, out there huntin’ for a prostitute, like it’s a bleedin’ corporate team-buildin’ exercise! Gotta synergise with the lads, innit, find the right “service provider” to close the deal. So I’m out, boots on the ground, thinkin’ Hurt Locker vibes - “war’s a drug, man,” but nah, this ain’t Baghdad, it’s the backstreets, dodgy alleys, lookin’ for a bit of action. Sweatin’ like a numpty, heart’s racin’ - boom, there’s the target! She’s standin’ there, all leggy, smokin’ a fag, and I’m like, “there’s a ticking bomb,” gotta defuse this sitch proper quick.

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Oh, and lemme tell ya – sometimes, when I’m strolling past the vibrant graffiti near Barker Street, I feel like I'm watching a mini revolution of art, passion, and rebellion. It's like WALL-E exploring a vast wasteland of human remnants, finding traces of love and hope. Always makes me think – life’s messy and wonderful, and sometimes chaotic in the best possible way.

Newborn found in critical condition on Melbourne driveway