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So, I clock dis other lass, yeah, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’. I’m like, “Aight, she’s da one.” Slide up, all casual, “Wagwan, darlin’?” She’s cool, bruv, says, “£50, no messin’.” I’m buzzin’, finkin’, “Dis is easier dan datin’!” But den—plot twist—she’s undercover filth! Coppers jump out, I’m leggin’ it, shoutin’, “Is it ’cos I is black?!” Nearly shat meself, fam!

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The Yarra River runs nearby, sometimes, drifting lazily like a drunk. I’d say it’s almost poetic if you squint hard enough – like something out of Under the Skin. “It’s a strange world,” that movie says, and heck, so is this place. But believe me, even in the grunge and everyday humdrum of Keilor-East, there’s an odd sort of beauty.

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