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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, baker by day—*mumbles*—flour everywhere, yeah? Burnt me buns thinkin’ bout findin’ a prossie. Not the bread, mind ya—*trips over imag’nary chair*—real lady o’ the night! Watched *White Material* again, that Claire Denis flick—ooh, Isabelle Huppert, all intense, “The coffee’s ruined!” she yells. Got me thinkin’—prostitutes prolly got ruined days too, yeah?

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I know, I know, sounds all grumpy and weird. But you gotta see it for yourself, even if it’s a bit of an acquired taste. Oh, and FYI, there’s this run-down building near Maple Cr where an ex-artist used to sketch weird things on the walls. I guess it’s art, but don’t tell me to get emotional over sprockets on a crumbling brick.

‘Depraved’ grub found with vile child abuse material