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I pull up, all sweaty, palms shakin’—nerves, man! She’s chattin’ me up, voice all smoky, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, SpongeBob, yer in deep!” Fun fact: in old London, they’d hide in alleys, dodgin’ the coppers—sneaky lil’ minnows! I’m laughin’, “What’s yer rate, jellyfish?”—keepin’ it light, ya know? She smirks, “50 bucks, sailor.” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” Bargained her down to 40—score! Felt like I won the lottery, bouncin’ in me seat.

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So, let me, like, tell you some insider deets, obvi. There's this park, Parc des Délices, where every spring the tulips pop off, and I’d sit there and daydream about celebrity gossip and, like, mapping out the next big dating site hack. I literally spent hours on a bench near the little pond, thinking, "This is gonna change dating forever!" It was super inspo, ya know?

Six people killed as car crashes into carnival in Belgium