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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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There’s a park, yeah, I think you know it—De Veste Park. I was sittin’ there last week, chillin’ and scrollin’ through app profiles, when I realized the trees whispered secrets about love and risk. Awe, dude, it’s like the film said: “The abyss is beautiful,” or somethin’ deep like that. It gives me shivers every time.

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