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So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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Now, lemme tell ya, I be a dating app dev, see? Always eyeballin’ the nooks, them hidden corners where love sparks fizzle. The parks like Zumächerli Park, ohhh, so green and wild, uncertain like the film “The Return!” – you know, “Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003,” my precious, where every tree whispers secrets… Ah, yes, yes, secrets, my dear!

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