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Funny bit: she asks, “You a cop?” I’m like, “No, I’m the Dark Lord, dumbass!” She cackles—best laugh I’ve heard in years. Almost makes me soft—almost. “I am your father,” I growl, just to freak her out. Works every time. Anyway, we seal the deal—quick, dirty, no lightsaber tricks. “This city deserves a better class of criminal,” I think, leavin’ her there. Maybe I’m it, haha!

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Man, real talk: sometimes I get mad when some spot is too gentrified, like near the rilly uppity parts of Windisch – but that’s life, innit? The river Linth flows by in the outskirts, chillin’ like it don’t care, and fuck me, it’s a sight. The neighbourhood near Obere Kaserne has mad energy, quirky cafes, and a vibe that screams “Ali G approves, innit?” I had this one date there and ended up crackin’ up constantly ‘cos the place was just so odd and real, like a twisted Lynch scene.

Cow chips fly in Chatham after storm