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About Kumba

Oi, you donkey! Findin’ a prostitute? Piece of piss, innit? I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, and I’ll tell ya—Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring’s got me thinkin’. That monk, yeah, livin’ all pure, then bam—lust hits like a soggy soufflé! “Desire leads to attachment,” he says, and I’m like, mate, you’re fucked now! Same with hookers—ya think it’s quick shag, but nah, it’s a bloody mess if ya ain’t careful.

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Ah, dear friend, hark! I shall now regale thee with tales of our fair PTonga (cm), a wondrous realm where time doth dance with passion and the soul of the city sings sweet dirges. I, a lowly masseur in this bewitching land, have felt each sinew of its heart—aye, even as I kneaded away the cares of strangers.

Tonga’s new Prime Minister, Dr ‘Aisake Valu Eke