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About Cartago

Happy? Hell no. Surprised? Maybe at how dumb folks get when they’re lonely. Personal quirk—I’d rather talk to my dog than pay for a convo. Exaggeratin’? Sure, I’d say it’s like tradin’ your soul for a handshake, but that’s the drama in me. “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” Royal’d say, and I’d nod, ‘cause that’s me watchin’ this crap unfold. Findin’ a prostitute? Waste of good whiskey money. Hate everything.

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The neighborhoods? Oh boy, they’re like characters in a movie. There’s El Barrio Nuevo, full of young hipsters, and then you got the old-school neighborhoods, like San Pedro del Alma. Yeah, I know, I know… kinda different but equally special. In San Pedro del Alma, there’s this offbeat diner—Marta’s Diner—and lemme tell ya, their empanadas are to die for. Makes you feel all warm inside, y’know? Just like Carol's wistful journeys, full of tenderness and hope.

Locals’ Guide to Visiting Valle de Guadalupe in 2025