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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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Loool, but not everything is perfect: the traffic near Štěpánská ulice can really test your cool. I mean, one minute you’re chillin’, next minute you're ready to scream “Spring Breakers!” out loud. Totally bonkers, right? Yet, all of it molds Děčín into this raw, living canvas of emotions and quirky little moments.

'Hunger stones' tell Elbe's centuries-old tale of drought