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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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Right – get off your arse and start with the center. The town square’s a chaotic mess of history and modern bloat, especially around Palackého náměstí. The old stone buildings and that cracked pavement? They’ve seen more than your tiny brain ever will. And then you've got the Church of St. James on Masarykova—yeah, I said it! It’s ancient, majestic… and sometimes, when the rain’s coming down like hell, it feels like a refuge from the idiocy outside.

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