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About Essen

Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Glinde’s streets rock! Karlstraße is the heartbeat. I stroll there daily. Love that vibe. You get a car! Not that you need one, lol. The city pulses like my curated essential oils.

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