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About Hamburg

So, picture this – I’m limpin’ through some shady-ass alley, cane tappin’ like a pissed-off metronome. Why? Cause I’m bored, and Vicodin ain’t cuttin’ it no more. Need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw. Prostitutes? They’re out there, hidin’ like Bin Laden in a cave. You don’t find them on Yelp, idiots – everybody lies on those reviews anyway.

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Then there's the old town square – Rathausplatz. This place is buzzing with history and local color. Once in a while, I get a minute to mash my fingers in the soothing park next door, Grünquartier, where soft grass and overgrown trees seem like they’re trying to tell a mystery story. I always joke, “I can see Russia from my house!” even though it’s totally an exaggeration, but you know – the local vibe makes me feel all dramatic sometimes.

Musicon Valley: The Home of German Lutherie