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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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I experienced the city's heartbeat on stormy nights too. Rainy, cold, storming—storm clouds rolling thick and wild. I got mad pissed at a wrong turn down Fossevej (I swear, sometimes street names conspire against ya!). But then, in a split second, I saw the bright lights of a random diner and thought: “That’s what it means to be human.”

Lorna Alsgard named 2022 Stavely Citizen of the Year