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Oh, and get this—shocked me hard—some hookers got rules! No kissin’, no weird stuff—lame! I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point then?!” Like WALL-E cleanin’ garbage, I just want the good stuff! So I’m hagglin’, she’s rollin’ her eyes, and I’m like, “I’m serious, lady!” She walks off—total buzzkill! I’m screamin’, “You can’t handle my authoritah!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and steals my croissant! I’m like, “Seriously, bro?!” I chase it down the street, flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life now.” I finally give up, panting like I just ran a marathon.

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