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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”
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So, I head over there during my lunch break. The crowd’s wild! People waving signs, shouting slogans. I’m standing there, trying to blend in, but I’m in my warden uniform. Not exactly incognito. Some guy yells at me, “Hey, prison guard! What do you think?” I’m like, “Uh, I think you should chill.”
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