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I’m ragin’—why? Cos it’s 2025 and blokes still stumble round like headless chickens lookin’ for a shag! Apps, mate—fuckin’ apps! Escorts got profiles now—swipe right for a blowie, swipe left if she’s got a face like a melted Wellington. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all dodgy alleys and “how much, love?” But nah, it’s posh now—some even take crypto! Fuckin’ mental.

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Oh, by the river, La Fleuve d’Espoir, relax and let your worries melt. The water shimmers, almost mystical, and every ripple whispers a Leviathan phrase: "La vie est un abîme." It gives you shakes sometimes, like I'm in a movie scene or something.

‘We won’t forget you’: $1m to fire victims