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Now, here’s the juice – I hit the streets, right? Not literal streets, ‘cause ew, sketchy! I’m talkin’ online, dahling – apps, sites, whatever. It’s 2025, we’re modern! But ugh, the options! Too many fishnets, not enough class. I’m scrollin’, and I’m like, “No capes! No fakes!” – gotta keep it real, ya know? One profile’s got pics so blurry I’m thinkin’, “Is this a hooker or a ghost?” Made me mad as hell – don’t waste my time, sweetie! I’m a busy gal, milkin’ cows and dreamin’ of somethin’ spicier.

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By now, I’m exhausted. I sit down on a bench, and this kid comes up to me. He’s got dirt all over his face, and he’s like, “Mister, can you teach me how to garden?” I’m like, “Sure, kid! But first, let’s talk about not eating dirt.” We laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.