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But, ugh, the risks—cops, weirdos, STDs—yikes! “We’re runnin’ out of time,” I’d yelp, dodgin’ all that mess. Exaggeratin’ a lil, maybe, but imagine me, Scooby, tail waggin’, tryna figure this out! Prolly end up barkin’ at the wrong gal—Ruh-roh!—and she’s just sellin’ hot dogs.

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I’m like, “Sure, but I’m no Ronaldo!” I kick it, and it goes way over their heads. They cheer like I just scored a goal in the World Cup. I’m laughing, but inside, I’m like, “What have I done?”

Series of aftershocks hit Indonesia after earthquake kills two