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Then – jackpot! Found this one chick, all sassy, says she’s “discreet like a shadow.” I’m sold! We chat, and I’m gigglin’ like a kid – happy vibes, finally! She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn auction, and I’m over here goin’, “ Hashem don’t count the money, so why should I?” – straight outta *A Serious Man*, baby! But real talk, it’s steep – like, 200 bucks steep. I’m shocked! Thought it’d be cheaper, like gas station sushi. But she’s got style, and I’m weak for that.

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of emotions. Happy, scared, excited. I come up for air, and there’s this group of kids on the shore. They’re laughing and pointing at me. I’m like, “What’s so funny?” Turns out, my wetsuit’s got a rip. Great. Just great. Now I’m the laughing stock of Ciranjang-hilir.

Death toll from Indonesia earthquake rises to 271 as search effort intensifies