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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m the bloody prison warden now, yeah? Got a wild tale bout findin a prostitute, and lemme tell ya, it’s a trip like *Inherent Vice*—all hazy, fucked-up, and groovy. Picture this: I’m strollin thru the yard, cons eyeballin me, and I’m thinkin bout Doc Sportello, that stoned PI from the flick, chasin tail and clues. That’s me, cept I’m after a lass who works the streets, not some hippy chick.

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As I was leaving, I tripped over a rock. Classic me, right? I fell right into a puddle. My pants were soaked, and I was like, “Great, just great.” But then, I saw a kid laughing at me. Instead of getting mad, I started laughing too. I mean, what else can you do? Life’s too short to be serious all the time.

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