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Little known fact—back in Victorian days, prossies had secret codes, tappin’ on windows to signal punters. Clever sods! Made me chuffed—history’s wild, innit? Anyway, I’m chattin’ her up, she’s laughin’—got a gob like a sailor, swearin’ worse than me after a scotch too many. Made me angry tho, some twat kept buttin’ in, tryin’ to nick her off me—like, mate, sod off, I ain’t sharin’!

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Later, I’m walkin’ back towards the town center, and I bump into my mate, Sean. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cookin’ dinner. Spoiler alert: he burned the pasta. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost choke on my gum. “Sean, mate, stick to takeout!” I tell him.

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