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What pisses me off? Them prudes callin’ it dirty – it ain’t! It’s art, like. Happy? Oh mate, first time I got one, felt like floatin’ – pure bliss, swear down. Surprised me how them masseuses know spots ya didn’t even clock yerself. Like in *Dogville*, “How could you justify it?” – ya don’t, ya just feel it, ya twit!

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So, I’m wandering around, munching on a scone, when I spot this street performer on West Pier. He’s playing the fiddle like he’s possessed. I’m talking full-on Riverdance vibes. I toss him a couple of coins, and he gives me this grin like I just made his day. I mean, how cool is that?

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