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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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I stroll down to the local café on High Street. You know the one, right? The one with the weirdly named pastries. I order a latte, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But hey, I laugh it off. It’s Sutton, after all.

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