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But then—BOOM—some geezer rocks up, all aggro, like he owns her. I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t stealin’ your crop!”—another *White Material* vibe, cos it’s all territorial, innit? He’s screamin’, I’m scarperin’, heart’s poundin’—nearly shat meself, real talk. Surprised me, that did, cos I thought it’d be chill, like pullin’ teeth, yeah? But nah, it’s a jungle out ere.

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Then, I decided to stroll down the Market Place. It’s always buzzing, right? But today? It was like a circus. I swear, there were more people than usual. I bumped into this old dude selling handmade trinkets. He was all, “These are made with love!” I’m like, “Dude, they look like they were made with a hangover.” But hey, he was sweet. I bought a keychain. Why? I dunno, maybe I felt bad.

Ashbourne St Patrick’s Day Parade