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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and it goes straight into the harbor. I’m talking splash zone! The kid’s face was priceless. I mean, who hasn’t lost a ball to the water, right? But then, the old dude, he just laughs and says, “Welcome to Dungarvan, kid!” Classic!

Three women killed in two crashes in Mallow and Dungarvan in Mother's Day tragedies