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About Dublin

Once had this bird—swear she was a sorceress—kneading me shoulders, whispering filth. Thought I’d died and hit the jackpot. But then—ugh—this one time, bloke stank of garlic, hands like sandpaper. Made me wanna puke, angry as a dragon with a splinter. Nearly leapt off the table screaming, “I am not an animal!” Little known fact: in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage”—slippery as hell, full-body slide. Sounds bonkers, don’t it? Reckon I’d try it, though—dwarf’s gotta live a little.

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When I get there, she’s all dramatic, like she’s in a movie. “I need it for tonight!” I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a coat.” But she’s not havin’ it. I hand it over, and she’s all smiles. I guess it’s worth it to see her happy, but man, I’m exhausted.

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