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Oh, and—ha!—Homer’d probly think it’s a burger rub, dumbass! Sexual-massage ain’t no picnic, tho—gets ya tingly, heart racin’. Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, swear it! Hmm… “I’ll never forget you,” like Eilis says—same vibe, sticks with ya! Once this guy—total creep—kept moanin’, ugh, shut up! Ruined it, so annoyin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady walks by with a snake wrapped around her arm. I’m not even kidding! I freak out. I’m like, “Yossi, is this part of the spell?” He’s cracking up, but I’m just standing there, heart racing. I mean, who brings a snake to the park?

Top cop placates Haredi extremists: You know we don’t check in the synagogues