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Oi, mate, so I’m an accountant, innit, crunchin’ numbers all day, but I got a wild side, ya get me? I’m thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah, proper cheeky like. Me fave flick’s *White Material*—Claire Denis, 2009, bruv—got me all deep and twisted, ya know? That line, “I’m not leaving this place,” hits different when I’m scopin’ the streets, lookin’ for a bit of fun. Reckon it’s like that plantation vibe—gritty, messy, real shit.

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Then, around noon, the beach gets packed. I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder, like sardines in a can. I can’t even see the sand anymore! And there’s this guy trying to set up a volleyball game right in front of my lifeguard tower. I’m like, “Dude, really? You wanna play volleyball where I gotta keep an eye on the water?” But he just shrugs and starts spiking the ball.