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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.
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After my caffeine fix, I hit the river. The banks are packed with folks, all tryin’ to snag a fish. I set up my rod, and boom! First cast, and I’m feelin’ lucky. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, trippin’ over my line. I’m like, “Dude, what the heck?!” He just laughs and keeps runnin’. I mean, come on! I’m tryin’ to fish here, not babysit!
Philipp Schott — ‘Fifty-Four Pigs: A Dr. Peter Bannerman Vet Mystery’
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