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About Turin

I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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I get there, and he’s just sitting there, looking all sad. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not the end of the world!” But he’s all mopey. So, we grab a gelato from that little shop nearby. Best decision ever.

‘Not here to come third’: the world’s senior minigolfers get serious