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So, I’m cruisin’ London—shaguar’s purrin’, shades on, feelin’ randy. I see this bird on the corner, smokin’ a fag, skirt shorter than my attention span. Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—all rough edges, “You’re a little shit,” she’d say. I roll up, flash a grin—groovy, baby!—and she’s like, “Wot you want, posh boy?” Made me laugh, her sass! I’m thinkin’, “This chick’s got more balls than Blofeld!”

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Finally, after what felt like an eternity, it roars to life. Thank the heavens! I’m out there, bouncin’ around, feelin’ like a king. The sun’s shining, the fields are green, and I’m just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of pigeons decides to dive-bomb me. Seriously? I’m dodging birds like I’m in some kinda action movie.

Sicily, the "confetti shooter" explodes during the village festival: the tube hits and kills a man