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Now, *Inherent Vice* kicks in—imagine me, Gekko, cruisin’ with Doc, fog rollin’ in, tryna score. “What’s the play, man?” I’d ask, and he’d mumble some stoned nonsense—“Chicks dig the vibe, man.” Ha! Vibe don’t pay the bills, but greed does. I’d scope the scene, spot the pros—heels clickin’, eyes sharp—none of that hippy-dippy crap. One’d sidle up, all “You lookin’ for somethin’ groovy?” and I’d hit back, “Groovy’s fine, but cash talks louder.”

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Later, I decide to hit up the local market on Via Garibaldi. Fresh produce everywhere! I grab some tomatoes, and this old lady starts chatting me up about her garden. She’s super passionate, talking about heirloom varieties and organic this and that. I’m just nodding along, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just want my salad fix.”

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