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I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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Later, I’m catching my breath by the fountain on Via Cavour. I’m drenched in sweat, but I’m grinning like an idiot. This is what I live for! But then, I see a kid drop his ice cream. My heart sinks. I mean, come on! That’s just cruel. I buy him a new one, and his face lights up. Small wins, right?

CSUN baseball clinches sweep over Roadrunners, extends its winning streak to eight