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But seriouslah, it’s risky, y’all. STDs, cops, creepy pimps — I’m yellin’, “Get outta my face, losers!” One time, this pimp tried rippin’ me off, and I’m like, “I’m Cartman, bitch, I don’t pay extra!” Kicked his ass — well, in my head I did. Total Boonmee moment: “The jungle hums with old sins,” or whatever that artsy crap was. Point is, ya gotta watch yer back!

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So, I’m walking back through the streets, trying to find Wi-Fi. I pass by the Scala dei Turchi. OMG, it’s beautiful! The white cliffs are like something out of a dream. But I’m too stressed to enjoy it. I’m thinking about all the data I need to analyze. I’m like, “Why can’t I just be a beach bum?”

Sicily’s summer drought is so acute this year that it’s drying up lakes and forcing cities to turn away tourists because they don’t have enough water