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She’s a mess, dude, total trainwreck—makes me wanna puke and laugh at once. Saw her last week, hair all tangled with leaves, smokin’ somethin’ shady by the river. “Look at me!” she yells, like she’s hot shit—newsflash, babe, you’re a forest skank. Everybody lies, tho—she says she’s “just chillin’,” but I bet she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Maybe a pissed-off boyfriend, maybe the cops—who cares? She’s got that wild glint, like she’d shank you for a beer.

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After that, I’m feeling kinda bummed, but I push on. I stroll down Corso Canalgrande, and it’s beautiful. The buildings are all colorful, and I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? Then I see this street performer, right? He’s juggling and making jokes. I’m laughing so hard, I almost forget about the prosciutto disaster. Almost.

El Modena football defeats Colony with help from early spark from Xzavior Guess