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But – plot twist, mate – she’s pricey, like, ten quid! Ten bleedin’ quid! I’m gobsmacked, nearly choked on me ciggie. “Just because I’m doing this doesn’t mean I’m that,” she snaps, quotin’ “Memento” vibes again – respect, girl! Had to haggle, got her down to a fiver, bargain, baby! Felt like a spy, dodgin’ traps, livin’ the dream.

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But then, just as I’m about to take a big ol’ scoop, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “Where are you? We need to talk about the shipment.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in gelato paradise!” But no, I gotta rush back to the shop on Via della Libertà.

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