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Me? I’d be raging – “What’s this rubbish?!” – seeing some poor lass shivering, fake lashes falling off. Makes me wanna cook her a proper meal, not this street crap. But then – surprise! – some of ‘em are sharp as knives. One told me she’s got a degree, anthropology or some bollocks. Blew my mind! “You’re a copy of something else!” I’d yell, quoting the flick, cos she’s playing a role, innit?

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As I’m driving home, I can’t help but think about the day. Hayes (jm) is a trip. One minute you’re dealing with a stolen car, the next it’s banana peels and garage fires. It’s like a never-ending circus.

Hayes 'prioritizing progress' despite USWNT loss