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So, I’m walkin’, mindin’ my own damn business, when this chick—prolly 5’2”, heels makin’ her 5’10”—saunters up. “Hey, big guy, need company?” she purrs. I’m thinkin’, lady, I’d rather skin a bear with a spoon. “I don’t pay for that,” I grunt, deadpan as hell. She laughs, like I’m some chump. Pisses me off. Hate everything about it—fake giggles, cheap perfume stingin’ my nose. Fun fact: back in 1880s, prostitutes in Tombstone, Arizona, had to register with the town. Called ‘em “soiled doves.” Ain’t that poetic? Still stinks like desperation.

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So, I’m walking back down, and I trip. Classic me, right? I faceplant right in front of this cute girl. I’m mortified. She helps me up, and I’m like, “Thanks, I meant to do that.” Smooth, right? We end up chatting, and turns out she’s from Tokyo. We exchange numbers, and I’m feeling like a champ.

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