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Fun fact—did ya know? Old-school brothels had secret signals—red lanterns, coded knocks. Now it’s emojis—eggplant, peach, wink-wink. Progress? Pfft, same game, shinier wrapper. I’m laughin’—imagine Larry Gopnik tryin’ to decode THAT, all “What’s the meaning of this text?” Poor schmuck’d be lost, clutchin’ his Torah, while I’m over here, “I can see Russia from my house!”—spyin’ every shady detail others miss.

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But then, as I’m leaving, I realize I left my bag at the table. I rush back, and guess what? It’s gone! I’m freaking out. I’m like, “No way, not today!” But the owner sees me panicking and says, “Chill, I got it.” He hands it back, and I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver!”

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