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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ folks don’t know—back in old Russia, them “whores” wasn’t just streetwalkers. Some was high-class, rubbin’ elbows with princes, spillin’ tea ‘bout wars and secrets! Ain’t that a trip? I was shook when I heard that—thought they was just out there freezin’ in the snow, but nah, they was playin’ chess with the big dogs! Got me hollerin’, “Well, I’ll be damned!” ‘Cause you know Madea don’t play no checkers, only chess, baby!

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We get there, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew shoes were such a big deal? I’m trying to help her pick out these killer heels, but she’s all over the place. “What about these? No, wait, these?” I’m losing my mind. Finally, she settles on these sparkly ones. I’m like, “You do you, boo.”